Being gay as an expression of heterophobia

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couple-bedWhat is homosexuality? And why does looking into same-sex attractions bring up so much strife for members of radical gay emancipation groups? In this essay, we look into the essence of the feelings of being gay, and will address the role that psychotherapy can play into achieving a more well balanced outlook on life.


As an ex-gay who has, for secular reasons, gotten over the horrors of homosexuality, and as a psychiatrist, let me explain what it felt like, and how one can learn to look into the deeper emotions of the thing. Homosexuality is basically the expression of deeply entrenched heterophobia, a morbid unconscious fear, disgust and rejection of heterosexuality and the idea of closeness to the opposite sex.


Heterosexuality is extremely exciting, especially with the other sex who can be so ‘other’. But the fear and rejection of heterosexuality is very physical and extremely emotional, leading to repulsion of heterosexual feelings or acts, and to repulsion of positive attitudes towards heterosexuality. If it goes on long enough without a healthy re-attachment to the heterosexual nature, a nature which is innately present in each and every individual alongside same-sex attractions, then it even turns into rejection of the surrounding world itself. Even discussing the subject as I do now, provokes phobic fear and will inevitably meet staunch resistance.


Every person is endowed with pansexuality, that is to say the full array of sexual feelings and longings, including heterosexual ones. There is no such thing as branching off towards homosexuality at an early age, as some sort of natural variation of sexuality. That is nothing more than the intellectualization of the deep, deep resistance towards heterosexuality, a resistance so great, a phobic and irrational fear so terrifying that it is warded off, that is to say pushed out of consciousness, denied, to the extent that it would seem that you are a different species of the human race all together: the ‘born that way’ ideology.


Any person who labels himself as gay or lesbian and expresses the conviction of being born that way, and expresses that gayness is the only way to find love and life, is showing us his or her heterophobia. A deep feeling of panic, disgust, resentment, fear, anxiety, bewilderment if heterosexuality comes closer: in short sheer repulsion at a deeply psychological level. A phobic fear, engulfing the entire mindset, leading the little boy or girl inside to shout out: no, no, no.


Orientation therapy then addresses this vitally important issue, the issue of repulsion and subsequent denial of that repulsion and rejection. The phobic mindset has ruined the individual’s psychic life to the extent that he or she feels to be a totally different species of the human race all together, with genetic markers and all. By staunchly insisting these feelings are genetic, the individual conveniently rules out the need, but also the possibility of looking into the heterophobia itself.


And so one gets locked up in the heterophobic mind frame, leaving you nowhere to go than out there somewhere floating in space, far far away from your own brothers and sisters, parents and peers. It is heterophobia and fear, anxiety and denial: the label of being gay comes as a lifesaver, giving you some hope of achieving an acceptable identity. And gay-lib and its intellectualized counterpart Gay Affirmative Therapy sets out to have that identity accepted and enforced in a world which is repelled, rejected and which has been left behind.


These feelings of rejection are unacceptable, and so the individual sets out to project these feelings onto those around you. The world then would be doing the rejection, the misunderstanding, the world would be phobic and resentful. And thereby you are cleansed of neurotic behavior, you come to experience a naughty bad world being mean and nasty. Subsequently with others, you rally each other to the cause. That is what I did at age 18 to 25 by becoming Gay Lib president in a Dutch university town, it was only after the age of 25 and psycho-analytic therapy that I became aware of the possibility that perhaps it was I being intensely rejectionist instead of all the people around me. Perhaps I was rejecting, then denying my incessant rejections, and to finish the job projecting my fears onto my surroundings on a daily basis. And with those projections, labelling everyone and everything as homophobic, I place the phobia outside myself, leaving me cleansed, innocent and a victim of a cruel misunderstanding world. That painfully gained notion in therapy was the start of a whole array of healing insights.


It is a therapeutically acquired insight which rocks the boat of my gay label, the conviction that the very nature of who I am is basically rejectionism and that my incessant deeper feelings are ones of confusion, repulsion and subsequent fear of loneliness. And that it is my own doing. This then is a very empowering thought: I am the master of my adult life and not just the victim of my youth. I have the power and the strength to look into myself, and face doubts and acknowledge shortcomings. It is the start of a true emancipation process, a journey into a never-ending life of doubts and revision of your mind frame. The gay label at age 25 then becomes just a bus stop on the journey of life, and not the bus terminal with the conductor yelling: ‘everybody out’.


Orientation therapy aims at addressing these issues and creating awareness of the unconscious mind, not to reject it or force it in any way, but to uncover and reveal. When the original anxieties and irrational phobic fears arise again, it is not the therapist making them, as radical gay-libbers insist, it is the fears, anxieties and depressed feelings of the basic condition itself emerging, and waiting to be dealt with.


Orientation therapy addresses these anxious and negative feelings, it does not create them. But rejectionists will refuse to see this, they will reject the therapist as you always reject any form of heterosexuality. The possibility of heterosexuality is too frightening to look into its face, and so orientation therapists are denounced and ex-gays persecuted for the ‘harm’ that they would do. But the only ‘harm’ basically is being confronted with your basic anxieties and depressed feelings, which were there all along.


If radical gay-libbers refuse and reject the possibility of insight, be my guest. But they do not have the right to pursue legislation to make the acquiring of these insights for other people an illegal act, an economic delict of trade fraud, or anything else they can make up and come up with in a frightened frenzy of rejectionism.


Orientation therapy, that is looking into heterophobia, is a part of the individual emancipation process and therefore an essential part of the gay liberation movement. It builds bridges between people and relieves you of your false sense of being a different sort of human being all together. We are a solution, not a problem to the art of facing same-sex attractions and the art of becoming a well balanced adult. You don’t have to if you don’t want to, but should, in a free society, be allowed to do so if you choose.


Gay-lib does not own youngsters, nor does it own the world of psychology, science or social reform. Down with radical gay-lib totalitarianism in its frenzy against orientation therapy and ex-gays.


Job Berenden, MD, Amsterdam.home-75-p-final