In this series, we are trying to understand the mind-frame of radical gay-lib. Previously, we have looked into projections, blaming a big bad outside world and thereby cleansing the soul. But there are more ways to deal with inner turmoil. In this article, we look at resistances and the way they are a menace to the life of the individual, to his/her relationships and to the well-being of society at large.
Paragraph 10 Inner turmoil
In homosexuals we see a sadness, brought about by the past in which the little boy did not receive, or felt he did not receive enough affirmation from his same-sex parent to be who he is. He felt he was not noticed or even seen, at a critical age when the world started to make sense. It was an age when he started to get the feeling of who he is as a personality.
The need to identify with the same-sex parent or role model is a genetic urge as we have explained previously. At the end of the day, the frustrated boy has tried more than hard enough to reach out and receive affirmation from his dad or other older males, and when he continues to feel rejection, he rejects back: “Go away, you bad man. And take your whole world with you. I will go my own way”.
You want it, but you don’t want it: a so-called double bind, the inner turmoil. And this feeling then will persist because there is no way out. These feelings of ‘rejecting back’ are stances taken at a critical age in the child’s development, and they create a weird feeling that only homosexuals understand. It is caused by the never-ending quality and quantity of double binds, that is to say a set of contradictory feelings always bubbling up and not going away, leading you to feel you are different.
You feel strange, funny, you are not like your peers appear to be. Every gay guy knows this feeling, if he is honest. You have felt it for so long, this need for male connectedness with dad or the father figure.
“I love you/I hate you. I need you/I resent you. I am like you/I am different. I want to be male/how I hate males. I want your confidence/how I hate your confidence. I need to look like you/how I hate to be like you. I need your guidance/I will go my own way. Embrace me/drop dead, you have deserted me, stay away from me. Let me into the male world/I am not in your male gang and never will be.”
One of our co-editors, Gary Morgan from London, made comments about his own life-struggles as a result of reading the previous article (part 4) on the subject of rejectionism as follows:
“The concept of ‘rejectionism’ (which I somehow was always aware of but which I had never known of by name), is perhaps one of the next big steps in the therapeutic processes of SSA healing (and perhaps healing of other emotional issues).
I say this only as an opinion. It’s based on personal perceptions felt in the last 2 – 3 years.
In my own case, I have tried to apply all the ‘methods’ of healing on the SSA journey, but sadly, as a lone individual. Anyway, while I admit progress has been (and is) being made, I seem to stall at the point where I move into the mainstream heterosexual way of being. I end up feeling like an ‘asexual’.
Recently, something happened when I was in the gym I regularly attend. I went to the window and saw on the sports field outside, a practice match of the local American football team. (That was a game I encountered in junior high school in New York, and which I never felt really comfortable with. Later I was also to reject the UK equivalent of that game, rugby, when we moved back to England).
As I watched (and I felt it was good for me to watch something which had been alienating to me before in my younger days), I noticed there was a cute little girl, maybe 3 or 4 years old amongst the players. I assumed she was a daughter of one of the players or others on the team. As I watched, the little girl became bored and went over to a sand-pit used for events like the long-jump etc, and started playing in the sand.
A realization struck me: That was what I had been doing in my life. I get bored with something, and go away and play in a ‘metaphorical’ sand-pit! It could be about that kind of sport, but many other aspects of life too, particularly masculine elements of life. Like a child, instead of getting interested in them and taking part, I wander over to my metaphorical sand-pit and plays games to amuse myself, letting other guys get on with activities that I found bored me… And in the process, I have been alienating myself from ‘normal’ human life. Essentially, it was ‘rejectionism’ in one of its many manifestations. I am so glad you pointed that out. And the feelings are childish ones. It’s actually responsibility avoidance.
I never saw it as bad when young, but as time went on and I grew older, I found myself feeling more and more unable to join in with society’s ‘normal’ group activities. I saw myself as different, ‘odd’ and with good excuses not to be a part of things. After all, I wasn’t hurting anyone else, I theorized. But truth be told, I was hurting myself, and even, depriving other people of many things I could offer them.
Now I am middle aged. To be honest, the last year or two have been a succession of periods when I feel TOTAL shame at how I allowed myself to be ‘detached’ from the rest of society. I was judging the world in my quiet way, and feeling separated from ordinary guys doing ordinary things. I thought I could not help it, but now realize I CAN help it, I can decide not to be and act that way. There are choices to be made, albeit at a subliminal level in the mind.
So now I feel attraction to women, yes, and that’s wonderful, but at this stage in life, feel really unfit in a way to be a married man who can meet the expectations of most women. How sad! A younger guy has time to ‘re-learn’ his way of being. At my age it’s very late unless an understanding woman comes along. I should have had all this orientation therapy stuff in my teens, or even 20‘s, when I needed it most.
Anyway, my point is, yes, you can use orientation therapy, which is actually insight therapy, to help those with SSA find their true emotions underneath the SSA defense mechanism. Then the next step is to learn how to not REJECT authentic gender feelings and acts/values and more importantly to learn how to be ‘ourselves.”
When you are rejecting back, the mind gets filled with double-binds. Some even feel: “I have always been this way”, but that is because the origins have gone and are lost in the fogs of personal history. Nevertheless, there are clues pointing to the original drama, clues which are visible for the trained therapist and which clients can be made aware of.
But all too often, making a person aware proves to be a rather difficult process. Why is that so?
Why do activists deny that turmoil exists all together? Why do they say for all to hear: “I am born perfect”? Why do they feel threatened by a licensed therapist who is trained according to all professional standards, and yet mistrusted to the extent that radical gay-lib wants them kicked out of their professional field (and even their own society)? Their mere existence is felt to be insufferable. It certainly has nothing to do with the therapists themselves, because research has proven that no harm comes from licensed therapists. In the review by the American Psychological Association in 2009 we read:
In 2009 the American Psychological Association wrote:
“We conclude that there is a scarcity of scientifically sound research on the safety of Sexual Orientation Change Efforts. Early and recent research studies provide no clear indication of the prevalence of harmful outcomes among people who have undergone efforts to change their sexual orientation or the frequency of occurrence of harm because no study to date of adequate scientific rigour has been explicitly designed to do so. Thus, we cannot conclude how likely it is that harm will occur from Sexual Orientation Change Efforts.”
Therefore it is something else. What?
Paragraph 11: resistances
Freud explained more than a century ago that painful feelings can be kept out of mind so that you can yet get on with the business of life. An important mechanism is called resistance. The troubling feelings are pushed out of mind, suppressed, denied, and treated as if they were alien, not me. The mind fools itself (and soothes itself) into believing their non-existence. But the feelings still bubble and boil, leading to other, less obvious and therefore less troubling thoughts and feelings. Perhaps troubling to others, especially if they are projected onto them, but not to the individual; his (or her) peace of mind is, after all, the ultimate goal.
You can cover a boiling pot of water with a lid, and even hold it down, but the steam will still leak out at the edges of the lid anyway. A small burst of steam here, another burst there, hot and sometimes painful. You can never contain a boiling pot of water forever.
Most commonly, resistance of vital urges (which have become totally mixed up in an inner turmoil as we have seen) lead to a vague sadness, to a restlessness, to a subliminal rage for the brave of heart, defying all contenders (a real live Don Quixote fighting big, and I mean BIG, windmills). Or it can lead to an insurmountable apathy for the weak of heart to the extent that others have nowhere to go due to a stubborn donkey response (Sancho Panza, a big fat Spaniard on a not so big fat donkey, attending to our knight in armor, Quixote, a stark raving mad lunatic, but so very, very macho!) Or otherwise it can lead to an understandable sense of self-pity (our favorite drama-queen, Princess Di, sob! sob!). They bubble up everywhere.
Becoming aware or being made aware of the resistance will lift the lid of the boiling pot, causing you to look at the original drama itself. And that is a very sad experience. It is extremely painful to see yourself, yet again, as a rejected child, or as a child who at least felt that way (in case there was no real rejection of the kid from an objective point of view).
But the mind has a way of dealing with that threat of pain too: another layer of resistance!
You resist the fact, and the threat, that you have a resistance. It is called resistance to the power of two: resisting the notion that you have a resistance.
Almost everyone who has adopted the gay label has adopted a resistance to the power of two. You deny that you have a resistance in any way, therefore the therapist has nothing to go on (or so you claim!)
“No problems here, I am right as rain. Never had problems, don’t want them either. And keep away from me with your stupid insights. Rubbish, it is all a pile of rubbish! I was born perfect!”
And so we see a passive resistance emerging, a safeguard against anyone opening the lid. And under this resistance is the notion that there is no boiling pot at all. Born perfect, just as the extremist organization National Center of Lesbian Rights proposes for all to hear. They have even copyrighted the term, fearing that others will consider themselves perfect too. And that is a no-no; apparently only radical lesbians are born perfect. They will sue you, if you also use this term. It is trademarked. Don’t even think of it. Especially orientation therapists. Only radical feminist lesbians are born perfect. Please remember that.
It can get worse.
Paragraph 12: resistance to the power of three
When at an early age, the parents (due to their own upbringing) are so rigid, so defiant, so authoritarian, that the child’s upbringing is one hell of turmoil, then the child can reject to an extent never seen before. Deeply traumatized children express profound sadness and, if they are resilient and have come to reject back, then society will witness some profoundly angry young men and women.
They feel they are very entitled to bash back, to lash out, to settle the score. Only they usually don’t do this with their own parents (they fear loss of love, no matter how hard the battle), but with anyone else who they perceive is in a power position above them. They project their inner turmoil and need to battle it out, onto the school teacher, the first employer, the civil servant at Town Hall, the rude waitress at the restaurant, the gardener, the insolent desk clerk at the hotel who gave them the worst room in the building, the therapist who sits like a weak and passive duck waiting to be shot at and who had it coming, anyone who is in a social position in which the other guy is dependent upon the complainant.
Every waiter, every taxi-driver, every therapist, every conductor, every delivery-boy knows the predicament. You get kicked up the butt, for what? And it creates resentment, for which the very entitled subject takes no responsibility. The abused child thinks he/she is a victim of the anger in the other guy, but it is an anger that he/she has unknowingly provoked.
Traumatized children traumatize their children. They bash back when they feel they are finally free to do so. If you are at the receiving end, you may barely know what has hit you. You are baffled, you may even doubt yourself, you may even apologize, you may even plead guilty, anything to sooth, to regain confidence, to get the world together again. In between, however, the traumatized and traumatizing individual sees your fumbling, your awkwardness and your sense of defeat as a sure sign of the righteousness of their cause. More often than not, you are run over by these hostile-aggressive individuals who march around with a huge chip on their shoulder.
And so it was with JONAH. Run over by extremists who had plotted and schemed to make their rejectionist world-view fitting and acceptable to a judge who would naturally feel compassion to the player assuming the victim role. JONAH did not take a victim stance, the extremists took on that role before they even had time to.
Victim-hood is the current trump card for gay-lib extremists. Maybe not for all gay-libbers, but it is for the extremists who are running the show at this point of time in the USA. There are no more political debates, no more meetings and sit-ins as in the old days, but Twitter and Facebook. Hit the enter-key, grab a bottle of beer, chill and then run. Those suckers and morons who we lashed out to had it coming.
This is resistance to the power of three, not just a passive resistance to the idea that you may have resistances, but active resistance. People with active resistance are out to crush, to silence, to finally have it their way. To have everything their way, and their way only. These people are formidable enemies. They then proceed to brag, gloat and boast their victories: the angry rejectionist little boy’s finest hour. They strive to make their behaviour look socially acceptable and as the only way to go.
The SPLC report which was published months after the JONAH trial, can be seen in that perspective. It is a hostile-aggressive report directed at an ignorant outside world, aimed to make the hostile homosexual and his deeds look innocent and appealing.
In another instance, we see two lesbians who had gotten married to each other, and then suing a local baker couple, for their hesitance to bake them a glorious wedding cake. The bakers were staunchly religious and gay marriage was not acceptable according to their own religious beliefs. Gay marriage will, after all, take time to be accepted in society. The lesbians called in the help of attorneys, and the bakers were forced to pay over $100,000 damages. Fancy my feelings being so important that someone else has to pay $100,000 to sooth my rejectionist mind. In the Netherlands this is unheard of; in the United States it is called justice.
The little girl was hurt in her very private feelings. She felt rejected (like she felt at age three) and now that she has grown up, (together with another rejectionist), she is determined that ‘they’ (the big, bad outside world) is going to pay! Literally. We are seeing projections. The original drama was during early childhood, leading to a girl rejecting back. The bakers are victims of rejectionism, and the lesbians are heralded, trumpeted and glorified by all other rejectionists.
Hardly anyone in gay-lib will say “ladies, aren’t you overdoing it? Could it be that you have other issues, an internal boiling pot of rage, which steams up and causes you to hiss, snarl, bite and scratch?”
No, they are heroes and an inspiration to all other rejectionists, thereby creating much resentment in staunch religious communities, who will, of course, not identify with the “damaged” ladies but with the unsuspecting bakers who had no clue what had hit them.
Those religious communities will now write to each other, take their measures, and see if they can use attorneys or create state regulations to bash back, to defend themselves. Gay-lib then sees state regulations which seemingly pop out of the sky everywhere, bang! Just like that. And this will then feed the feelings of being a victim of a cruel and misunderstanding heterosexual world. And every rejectionist will join in to lament the sorrow, and to pay tribute to the fact that, yes indeed, those heterosexuals are as bad as we always thought. “We knew it all along”. Yes, since the age of three.
We are facing projections, and rejectionism seems to be becoming not only the default mode of operation in the homosexual individual but in the entire movement. That is, as long as the rejectionists to the power of three run the show, thereby squashing the rejectionists to the power of two, the moderate homosexuals.
This is my analysis as a former gay-lib leader in a Dutch town. We as gay-lib are making mistakes. We are not the victims, we are making victims. And the JONAH trial and the bakers show how far astray we have gone. Putting other people out of business, running them out of the country, forcing them to go bankrupt, picking on small groups with a trial to get tens of thousands of dollars for “damages” and then forcing those groups to pay up to $450,000 attorney costs, which is really what the wealthy law firms, the NCLR and the SPLC, are all about.
They can afford a loss, loaded with cash as they are, but the little non-compliant guy they are picking on, can’t. And these activist law firms know that: it is their core business, intermingling personal issues with professional work. Surely this is not emancipation, but an angry little boy or girl who has no insight into his or her internal motives. You have the right to say: shut up. But you do not have the right to go out there and actually physically silence someone, to lay your mits on him, so as his/her voice is never to be heard again, merely because you have feelings and have emotionally coloured sunglasses on all day. JONAH never hurt a flea. And the next victim, Richard Wyler’s group People Can Change, never did anything either to lesbians, to gays, to minors or anything else the activists are framing them for.
We therefore need insight-giving therapy more than ever, not to become heterosexual, but to understand what we are doing, to ourselves, to others and to society at large. We need to move on to the third stage of emancipation, which is about transcending labels and making peace instead of glorifying labels and making a cultural civil war.
(to be continued).
Job Berendsen, MD