The problem with ‘coming out gay’

I was watching a Dutch television program last night. We see two young Dutch gay men in Disneyland, Paris, who had decided to adopt the gay label, as they lament the fact that they cannot conceive children and lead a normal straight life. The program is all about this misfortune of theirs. They are encouraged to go for adoption. The remarks they made in the first two minutes of the program are worth looking into, because it explains the difference between the approach of Gay Affirmative Therapy and Reparative Therapy.

In this article, we will demonstrate how harmful it is to adopt the gay label and to say goodbye to heterosexual feelings for good. We shall also demonstrate the bewilderment of the so-called Questioning youths, people who gay-lib feels are their private property. These youths must then be lured into the gay label for ever more, so gay-lib insists, at the expense of their equally present heterosexual longings or “questioning” doubts.

In the Dutch documentary, the two young men are shown as they march around for the first time in their life as a loving couple in the wonderful fantasy world of Disneyland, hugging each other and watching Mickey Mouse and Minnie. They then comment on the emotions that this evokes. First we transcribe their comments at the beginning of the documentary, then we reflect on these sentences from a heterosexual psychiatrist’s point of view, to demonstrate what the ‘coming out’ process does in terms of psychological damage.

1. The TV program

The program starts with the older chap saying in the beginning of the program:

I never had the feeling that I officially wanted to come out of the closet, but ultimately I informed my parents by means of a letter which I wrote, that they would never ever become grandparents. Perhaps that was the most difficult moment in my entire life, the thought of never becoming or being capable of becoming a father. I have always had that wish, though, as long as I can remember.

The younger chap then says:

Yes, I had a difficult time getting used to the idea; I never ever had something like: I want a child. I am not capable in any way of raising a child. I mean, nine out of ten times, I myself am still something like a child.”

Then the cameraman shows how the younger guy picks up two T-shirts with Mickey Mouse and Minnie. He holds the Minnie T-shirt to his face and says: “She looks like me”. After which the documentary shows how wonderful Disneyland is. See the screenshots of the TV-screen I made with my smartphone .

The program has the following intent: to show that society needs to help them adopt kids, against all odds. Let us focus on these first two minutes. In psychiatry, we call this the micro-analysis of the interview, meaning that almost all is said during the first two minutes. It is astounding, but it is true. A very useful technique.

If you listen very carefully to the first two minutes, all the rest is merely a repetition or expansion of what you have already heard. Put in lay terms: a first impression says it all. We professionals use that as a psychiatric form of examination. It saves a lot of time. (People have come to fear this technique: “The shrink can look right through you. They “The shrink can look right through you. They can! Those eyes, dreadful! One look, and you are done for!”can! Those eyes, dreadful! One look, and you are done for!” But they don’t. They just use this technique! Anyone can).

What are these guy saying? Let us listen very closely.

2. “She looks like me”

The younger guy says he loves Minnie: “She looks like me”.

I say: “No she doesn’t, dude. That is all in your mind!”

So, is he identifying with men? No, he identifies with women. “She looks like me”.

According to Gay Affirmative Therapy, in men with SSA there would be no identification issue, but merely an innate love for the male, a male-to-male thing. But if there is an innate love for the male and if homosexuality is a male-to-male thing, then why does he NOT hold the Mickey T-shirt to his face and say “He looks like me”? No, he identifies with Minnie, with Mom, with the squaws, and still feels like a child waiting to grow up out of Squaw Camp.

There is only one way to live in Squaw Camp, and that is to repress your male sexual urges as you grow up, to repress growing up itself, and to remain a neutered innocent little boy, that good boy, a very good little boy. The boy who never got to know what it feels like to be a man (but who craves for it at night, in his lonely bed, all alone with his big male penis). In Squaw Camp, you need to be one of the girls, and to remain one of the girls. That is part of the secret contract you imagined you signed (of sorts) in order to be protected, to belong.

You cannot, may not, sexually approach squaws in Squaw Camp. All females are sisters. And you internalize that feeling, that promise, that private subliminal contract. There is a healthy taboo on incest, and you have come to live up to that standard. At all times. You are perfect. Perfectly neutered. And you did it all by your little self.

Women are not to blame, you are. Blame at that age? No, but yes. You. No-one neutered you, you did. In order to survive, but still. You.

More often than not, the boy has a hunch that the feeling of saddling up and leaving Squaw Camp is going to take a long, long time to come around. He remains a kid, yearning and longing for that ultimate affirmation of being a male, in the hope of perhaps finally internalizing that sense of truly being a man to the core.

His role in life becomes that of the neutered kid, one who feels like an infant in a big man’s world, until a Dad figure comes around to help him identify with his own sex instead of identifying with the loving but neutering squaws.

Only Reparative Therapy understands this, as we are demonstrating in this series. GAT merely cheers him on to be “who you are”, meaning in this case to feel inadequate and accept it as a fact of life. “You were born that way”. Question is: how satisfying is that? And how does feeling “like a child in nine times out of ten”, as the young man himself states in the TV program, make you an adequate individual to adopt children?

Are you fit for duty? And is any GAT therapist going to understand your anguish? I doubt it, because as the GAT guys repeat over and over again, all woe stems from those horrible misunderstanding heterosexuals. No problem on behalf of the gay guy. No, he is born perfect, as the NCLR states. “Society needs to lock up straight psychiatrists who defy labels”, as is done at last in Malta since the 10th of December 2016.

Malta has decreed by law: “No sexual orientation, gender identity or gender expression constitutes a disorder, disease or shortcoming of any sort“. No shortcoming of any sort? And yet he says “I feel like a child in nine times out of ten”? Is there no development issue at hand in his psycho-sexual personal history? Is it not staring you in the face?

In view of the statements on the video, how realistic and helpful is the radical gay-lib stance to the younger gay guy, and to the infants who are to be entrusted to him? Are we straight psychiatrists then the problem? Is our eyebrow being raised indeed to be punished with a year of imprisonment, as Malta has now executed into law after an invasion of heavily financed radical American gay “freedom fighters” (ILGA) in October 2016 (see our article)?

3. Goodbye to heterosexuality for ever

In the documentary, the older chap says right from the start, that it hurts to turn your back on your heterosexual potential. Why don’t you go into therapy? Why don’t you keep all options open? Why assume a suffocating label? Why not look around for a few years? After all, there are therapists who can help you look into sexual identification issues (although they are heavily persecuted these days). But he feels he must say no to heterosexuality, and then must inform his parents of his irreversible decision.

He writes to his parents by snail-mail (coward!), thereby tossing away all human possibilities on this issue, without once seeking help or guidance. He feigns to feel sorry for his parents, and refuses to see that this is a projection. It is he, and he only, who is lamenting what he is doing. No childrearing, no fathering, no core family unit. These are his personal choices in life by “coming out”.

He projects his sadness onto his parents. He feels sorry for them, but he is actually feeling sorry for himself, and fails to acknowledge it. That is too painful. So he decides to condescendingly write to his presumably saddened parents, leaving his gay little self out of the equation.

It is a projection. Take it from me: gay guys always project. It is the only way to maintain the innocent, little perfect-boy pose under each and every circumstance.

4. Why do it?

I never had the feeling that I officially wanted to come out of the closet”. Then why do it?

‘Coming out of the closet‘ is a new and heavily marketed phrase of Gay Affirmative Therapy. These people are not into color photography, but still into black and white. Totally outdated, but very militant. They seem almost to screen old Charlie Chaplin movies with no sound, because you are either a straight guy or a gay guy. Who needs shades of gray, color, or sound tracks with good old Charlie Chaplin?

But I put it to you, that what you are ultimately doing, is not saying “I Am Gay”, but “I Will Never Ever Be Straight In My Life. Goodbye, Heterosexuality!”.

Then you inform the whole world, the people at your work, all your female friends, all your male friends, your employer, your colleagues, your Astronomy Hobby Club, the weddings you attend, the landlord, the neighbors. No way back.

And then, after you have burnt all ships behind you, you say change is not possible. Dude, you have MADE it socially impossible. Please see the difference.

You have homosexual feelings, no doubt about that. But you also retain a full heterosexual potential underneath, as the Australian Identical Twin Studies have shown in the year 2000. Because in 90% of the cases, your identical twin sibling does not identify as homosexual. So, it is not innate. Because if it was innate, then your identical sibling would also identify as homosexual. And he/she almost never does.

How does Gay Affirmative Therapy tackle this problem?

GAT proclaims that some men, for no substantiatable reason at all, all of a sudden just appear to have a sexual urge to love the same sex. No reason why. It just happens. Bang! Just like that! Just like lightning in broad daylight. Yep. We have seen thunder flashes all day. Everyone does! Especially on a bright sunny day at the beach. Yep. Wearing sexy Speedos, and then: Bang! Not even caused by sunstroke! Would you believe it! Just like that! When you least expect it!

Reparative Therapy to the contrary says we are dealing with identifiable identification issues. You can always trace them back. Men who experience SSA’s are not identifying enough with the male warriors riding around on their big horses. They are still hanging around in Squaw Camp and are identifying with the squaws (which one does from birth until Dad or another male identification figure drags you away to the male world, your ultimate destiny, your birth-right).

But as soon as you make the conscious choice to call your feelings a symptom of an imaginary innate “gayness”, you are creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. You are saying goodbye to heterosexuality for ever. You are burning ships behind you. So be it. But those ships are still lying in the harbor, waiting for you to embark. There is no scientific proof that you cannot board that ship again, and let the sailors tell you how incredible their journey has been. Just open your heart, listen and learn.

5. Coming out ‘gay’

The “coming out” narrative is the ideology of radical gay-lib. Karl Marx described “a false consciousness”. We are witnessing that very same thing. A state of mind in which you have succumbed to a new radical gay sense of identity, saying goodbye to the opposite sex for ever. And in which your sadness at this loss is seen as the cruel doings of straight guys. They did it to you, so you feel. They hurt you, so you feel. They are out to get you, so you feel. They are malignant, so you feel. They are to be crushed, so you feel.

In Malta, at last, these straight professionals are finding themselves being locked up (although their opinion on the matter was not asked for by the authorities at hand). Radical gay-lib is freed at last from contradiction. Next stage: whole Europe! “Forward!” as Kate Kendell from the NCLR hammers away on her keyboard in each and every email: We need cash for the ultimate solution for the plague of the human race: the opposite sex. Please donate!

6. Conclusion

On Dutch television, the pathology of young guys struggling with homosexual feelings, is being aired, but the view of a heterosexual psychiatrist is never asked for. Straight shrinks have been thrown out of the equation. The anguish and doubts of men struggling with same-sex attractions will go undisputed, and children will be handed over to them for adoption. No further questions asked. If you raise as much as an eyebrow, you will be labelled anti-LGBT. And who would want to be stigmatized in that way?

Job Berendsen, MD, Amsterdam.