Category Archives: Exploring sexual potential

Exploring your full sexual potential, part 37: “I can’t play soccer for nuts”

I was reading the daily news on my smartphone the other day, minding my own business, when all of a sudden, I saw this new campaign to be launched to change professional soccer into a more inclusive environment for, as they put it: ‘gay’ and ‘bisexual’ soccer players. Because in Belgium, there are no openly ‘gay’ professional soccer players. And that has to change, so we are informed. Damn, June. Pride Month. I had forgotten. Mosquitoes, sunburn, and Pride Month. How could I forget? Not to mention horny frogs, croaking in my pond all night. Continue reading Exploring your full sexual potential, part 37: “I can’t play soccer for nuts”

Exploring your full sexual potential, part 36: Enmeshment and the “gay” identity

When a young man leaves an enmeshed relationship with his mother, it won’t be an easy journey. The sense of self was nipped in the bud due to boundaries being blurred. But now that he is venturing into new terrain, empty feelings are bound to arise. It is so pervasive that countless men who sexualize same-sex attractions will ultimately resort back to their old state of enmeshment. Many remain there for the rest of their days. In others, enmeshment will flicker like an orange traffic light. When emptiness becomes the gut feeling, it is then that the ready-made “gay” identity sounds like a gift from heaven. Continue reading Exploring your full sexual potential, part 36: Enmeshment and the “gay” identity

Exploring your full sexual potential, part 35: Enmeshment with the mother

A mother can be a major source of enmeshment. Why don’t naked girls fill my dreams?’ This question lingers ever so often in the mind of men who struggle with same-sex attractions (SSA’s) and for whom those attractions appear to leave so much unfulfilled in their life. It seems as if there is a lack of attraction to the opposite sex. The truth is, however, that men who experience SSA’s have just as many opposite-sex attractions (OSA’s) as anyone else but they do not perceive those feelings as sexual. Enmeshment is standing in the way. Continue reading Exploring your full sexual potential, part 35: Enmeshment with the mother

Exploring your full sexual potential, part 34: Beyond enmeshment lies the void

The term enmeshment describes a relationship where no boundaries can clearly be distinguished. The relationship takes on the form of a unity like two adjacent vine plants who appear to have become a single flourish of green and color. When a whole nuclear family does the same, then boundaries evaporate, or no boundaries may perhaps ever come into being at all. Continue reading Exploring your full sexual potential, part 34: Beyond enmeshment lies the void

Exploring your full sexual potential, part 33: The forces behind same-sex attractions

If sexuality is never fixed like a stone but more like the moving of sand as the tide flows in and out, how can one create new configurations? In this article, we will start tackling the issues that block the road to new insights. Continue reading Exploring your full sexual potential, part 33: The forces behind same-sex attractions

Exploring your full sexual potential, part 32: Am I a wimp?

“Am I good enough as a male?”, that is the question. In his unique book ‘No More Mr. Nice Guy’, therapist Robert Glover explains how an incessant ‘Nice-Guy’ attitude can become a prison, doing more harm than good. During an email exchange, I had recommended the book to Daniel. He found the book to be staggering. After three weeks, Daniel said how hard it was, however, to put his defensive shields down and stop habitually being the nice guy under each and every circumstance. Continue reading Exploring your full sexual potential, part 32: Am I a wimp?

Exploring your full sexual potential, part 31: Attachment theory

Human life can be seen as a pattern of emotional, physical, and spiritual growth. It is like the ocean beating on the shore as we grow older, forming a never-ending pattern of bumps and cracks in the sand. In paradox psychology, we recognize that thoughts and feelings can even be at odds with one another while the tide of life flows in and out, creating the small mounds of sand and then washing them away again. In one-dimensional psychology, however, the coming and going of the tide (or feelings and behavior) are denied, and everything is brought down to a simple and cheap slogan: born that way. That is to say, it has always been that way and will always stay that way. Continue reading Exploring your full sexual potential, part 31: Attachment theory

Exploring your full sexual potential, part 30: the two-sided coin of perfectionism

Is being perfect a blessing or a curse? In paradox psychology, we view perfectionism as a two-sided coin. Both statements are true, in the same person and at the same time. This is the core of paradox psychology, a way of viewing human life as an array of opposites, which never appear to meet. They seem irreconcilable, and yet, they are there. All we need to do is to investigate them until the next paradox comes along, which we then investigate also. After some time, the original paradox just fades out of view, out of importance. We do not resolve the issue, we transcend it. Continue reading Exploring your full sexual potential, part 30: the two-sided coin of perfectionism

Exploring your full sexual potential, part 29: Paradox psychology

One of the greatest contributions to science by the late Joseph Nicolosi, Ph.D., was his revealing the existence of double-binds. Painstakingly, he demonstrated how men who experience same-sex attractions are often caught up in a set of totally contradictory feelings, more often than when one experiences opposite-sex attractions. Not only are they contradictory, they appear to be incompatible. A world of paradoxes comes into view which cannot be understood in a straightforwardly way. Paradoxes feel uncomfortable and yearn intensely to be resolved. This article aims to change the usual narrative and to come to peace with them. They are very private friends. Continue reading Exploring your full sexual potential, part 29: Paradox psychology

Exploring your full sexual potential, part 28: “Victims feel too much”

In the radical gay-lib ideology, much emphasis is placed on being a victim. It has become the core of all activist thinking these days, justifying a war on others. But cultivating victim-hood has a down-side. It robs a person from assuming a more assertive and powerful stance. Weakness comes up and the chances of reaching goals wither away. Sometimes, being a victim has an authentic cause, but more often than not, the stance becomes addictive. People who are highly sensitive are particularly prone to feeling like a victim. In this article, we will investigate that problem. Continue reading Exploring your full sexual potential, part 28: “Victims feel too much”