Category Archives: Exploring sexual potential

Exploring your full sexual potential, part 27: Were You Really All That Bullied?

If you feel you were bullied at some time as a child, resentment can be carried on to adult life. That feeling can grow way out of hand, far more than necessary. What happens if we replace the word ‘bullying’ with the term ‘connection issues’? What if we see bullying as a dynamic interaction between two persons with equal power who fail to connect? There is talk of power imbalance. Big bad other guy, poor little me. Let us take a shot at another angle: was it all so one-sided? Continue reading Exploring your full sexual potential, part 27: Were You Really All That Bullied?

Exploring your Full Sexual Potential, part 26, “The Dance of Defensive Detachment With Its Counterpart: Same-Sex Attractions”

Matthew from Nebraska reached out by email the other day, asking “What is about the need for external male affirmation that still creeps up now and then?” He went on to explain that on some days he still feels inferior, or as he calls it ‘something other than maleness’. His most vital question at this time is: “Why do I still have the desire and yet at the same time hatred for certain men?” Continue reading Exploring your Full Sexual Potential, part 26, “The Dance of Defensive Detachment With Its Counterpart: Same-Sex Attractions”

Exploring Your Full Sexual Potential, Part 25: The Subject-Object Relation

Many men who have same-sex attractions are searching for something that remains elusive. This is very frustrating. It can be quite helpful to understand the relation between being a person as a Subject or seeing oneself and other men as an Object. In this article, we will explain the relation between these two from a child-developmental viewpoint. It is called Subject/Object psychology. We will show how infant mental growth takes place and how this leads to a distinct awareness of the self and others. Continue reading Exploring Your Full Sexual Potential, Part 25: The Subject-Object Relation

Exploring Your Full Sexual Potential, part 24: Love me tender, love me sweet

In this article we will analyze how, for many men, same-sex attractions work. Imagine a young man on an old photo to whose image you feel attracted. You see him and immediately he strikes a chord in you. He looks gentle, and yet he is male. He’s great. How does he do it? You can’t keep your eyes off him, and you find yourself dreaming of his looks, his tenderness while a secret longing sets in. Wouldn’t it be great to be intimate with him, and to close your eyes in a hug? Continue reading Exploring Your Full Sexual Potential, part 24: Love me tender, love me sweet

Exploring your full sexual potential, part 23: When Nasty Becomes Psychopath

In our previous articles (21 and 22), we started exploring the consequences of the narcissistic-triadic family constellation. Frustrations can make you needy (part 21). In part 22, we showed how in more severe cases ‘needy’ can become ‘nasty’. Now we will take it one step further and reveal how ‘nasty’ can even become ‘psychopathic’, the saddest coping strategy of them all. In the first part of this article, we will look at the diagnosis from different angles.  In part 2, we will look into the therapy by analyzing an email from James about his past life events. Continue reading Exploring your full sexual potential, part 23: When Nasty Becomes Psychopath

Exploring your full sexual potential, part 22: When needy becomes nasty

It is difficult and shameful to acknowledge that you are needy. You do everything you can to gently help other people out. But you remain unseen. Even worse is handling the frustration that this leads to. There is anger and resistance. You are more angry than people realize, you can become nasty and because of this the shame keeps on growing. Continue reading Exploring your full sexual potential, part 22: When needy becomes nasty

Exploring your full sexual potential, part 21: Being Needy

Neediness, your life consists of neediness. Needy as a kid, needy as an adult. But look at that guy out there, he doesn’t have that. Wow, look at that self-confidence. He is not needy, he is just great. He walks, hangs around, or just gazes. He does so with beautiful eyes, with nice hair, and a great body although he is not even a bodybuilder. How does he do it? I, on the other hand (so you feel,) am needy. Why isn’t he the same? Continue reading Exploring your full sexual potential, part 21: Being Needy

Exploring your full sexual potential, part 19: The Snap Game

In part 18, we studied detachment from a theoretical perspective. In this article, we will demonstrate how it works in daily life. Men who predominantly experience Opposite Sex Attractions (OSA’s) attach to other men in a carefree way. But men who experience many Same Sex Attractions (SSA’s) also find themselves incessantly detaching from others. Two opposing forces appear to be at work: Attaching and Detaching. By means of a simple mind game, the Snap Game, you may start recognizing them. We will show three different insights that the game can lead to. Continue reading Exploring your full sexual potential, part 19: The Snap Game

Exploring your full sexual potential, part 18: Overcoming defensive detachment

In her 1983 book ‘The Early Development of Gender Identity’, the British research psychologist Elisabeth Moberley laid the foundation for a deeper understanding of same-sex attractions. Her contribution of the concept of defensive detachment is the groundwork for effective psychotherapeutic help that followed from a causal model. In this article, we will look into the mechanisms of detachment, and identify the challenge to recognize it when you are doing it. Continue reading Exploring your full sexual potential, part 18: Overcoming defensive detachment