I was reading the daily news on my smartphone the other day, minding my own business, when all of a sudden, I saw this new campaign to be launched to change professional soccer into a more inclusive environment for, as they put it: ‘gay’ and ‘bisexual’ soccer players. Because in Belgium, there are no openly ‘gay’ professional soccer players. And that has to change, so we are informed. Damn, June. Pride Month. I had forgotten. Mosquitoes, sunburn, and Pride Month. How could I forget? Not to mention horny frogs, croaking in my pond all night. Continue reading Exploring your full sexual potential, part 37: “I can’t play soccer for nuts”
When a young man leaves an enmeshed relationship with his mother, it won’t be an easy journey. The sense of self was nipped in the bud due to boundaries being blurred. But now that he is venturing into new terrain, empty feelings are bound to arise. It is so pervasive that countless men who sexualize same-sex attractions will ultimately resort back to their old state of enmeshment. Many remain there for the rest of their days. In others, enmeshment will flicker like an orange traffic light. When emptiness becomes the gut feeling, it is then that the ready-made “gay” identity sounds like a gift from heaven. Continue reading Exploring your full sexual potential, part 36: Enmeshment and the “gay” identity
A mother can be a major source of enmeshment. Why don’t naked girls fill my dreams?’ This question lingers ever so often in the mind of men who struggle with same-sex attractions (SSA’s) and for whom those attractions appear to leave so much unfulfilled in their life. It seems as if there is a lack of attraction to the opposite sex. The truth is, however, that men who experience SSA’s have just as many opposite-sex attractions (OSA’s) as anyone else but they do not perceive those feelings as sexual. Enmeshment is standing in the way. Continue reading Exploring your full sexual potential, part 35: Enmeshment with the mother
The term enmeshment describes a relationship where no boundaries can clearly be distinguished. The relationship takes on the form of a unity like two adjacent vine plants who appear to have become a single flourish of green and color. When a whole nuclear family does the same, then boundaries evaporate, or no boundaries may perhaps ever come into being at all. Continue reading Exploring your full sexual potential, part 34: Beyond enmeshment lies the void
If sexuality is never fixed like a stone but more like the moving of sand as the tide flows in and out, how can one create new configurations? In this article, we will start tackling the issues that block the road to new insights. Continue reading Exploring your full sexual potential, part 33: The forces behind same-sex attractions
“Am I good enough as a male?”, that is the question. In his unique book ‘No More Mr. Nice Guy’, therapist Robert Glover explains how an incessant ‘Nice-Guy’ attitude can become a prison, doing more harm than good. During an email exchange, I had recommended the book to Daniel. He found the book to be staggering. After three weeks, Daniel said how hard it was, however, to put his defensive shields down and stop habitually being the nice guy under each and every circumstance. Continue reading Exploring your full sexual potential, part 32: Am I a wimp?
Human life can be seen as a pattern of emotional, physical, and spiritual growth. It is like the ocean beating on the shore as we grow older, forming a never-ending pattern of bumps and cracks in the sand. In paradox psychology, we recognize that thoughts and feelings can even be at odds with one another while the tide of life flows in and out, creating the small mounds of sand and then washing them away again. In one-dimensional psychology, however, the coming and going of the tide (or feelings and behavior) are denied, and everything is brought down to a simple and cheap slogan: born that way. That is to say, it has always been that way and will always stay that way. Continue reading Exploring your full sexual potential, part 31: Attachment theory
November 20, 2020, may go down as the day the tide began to turn against government bans on therapies that allow clients with unwanted same-sex attractions to pursue change. In this article, we take a closer look at this stunningly rational decision. A majority of the three judge panel of the 11th Circuit Court of Appeals ruled that speech in the therapists’ office is to be seen as speech and not as professional conduct. Hence the first US amendment cannot be violated. They also found that the ban ordinances in Florida are content-based and viewpoint-based restrictions on speech. It is therefore the content itself which is being contested. Restrictions of these sorts are illegal. Continue reading Striking down Florida Counseling Ban, part 2
A three-judge panel of the Eleventh Circuit Court of Appeals struck down laws that ban counselors from providing minor clients with help to reduce or eliminate unwanted same-sex attractions, behaviors, or gender confusion.
This is the first federal Court of Appeals decision on such laws since the 2018 U.S. Supreme Court decision in National Institute of Family & Life Advocates v. Becerra (NIFLA).
Is being perfect a blessing or a curse? In paradox psychology, we view perfectionism as a two-sided coin. Both statements are true, in the same person and at the same time. This is the core of paradox psychology, a way of viewing human life as an array of opposites, which never appear to meet. They seem irreconcilable, and yet, they are there. All we need to do is to investigate them until the next paradox comes along, which we then investigate also. After some time, the original paradox just fades out of view, out of importance. We do not resolve the issue, we transcend it. Continue reading Exploring your full sexual potential, part 30: the two-sided coin of perfectionism