Tag Archives: same-sex attractions

Exploring your full sexual potential, part 38: ‘The ancient myths of changelings”

Beliefs in “changelings” are as old as the hills. In every culture and civilization, rumors were whispered of a secret true self, gradually issuing forth into the lives of a small group of exceptional people: the emerging of “changelings”. Rational science would seem to have tackled these flings of imagination. But they are back. Two decades of  radical-gay activism are shaping the moral landscape. Everyone is to feel new sentiments that “changelings’ do indeed dwell among us. How does this well orchestrated and frantic campaign intrude on your efforts to come to grips with your feelings? Continue reading Exploring your full sexual potential, part 38: ‘The ancient myths of changelings”

The harm caused by a therapy ban in NZ, part 7 of 8: “The new taboo is harmful”

The most harmful drawback of the proposed NZ legislation is that it will no longer be legitimate to talk to younger people in-depth about homosexuality. No more searching for answers, no more looking under the hood of the car or lifting the car up, only a ready-made identity to slip into, flags to wave, and parades to attend. Each therapist who is sincere, aims to create room for content, not to tackle society, but to help the client ask him/herself: what the hell am I doing?. Continue reading The harm caused by a therapy ban in NZ, part 7 of 8: “The new taboo is harmful”

The harm caused by a therapy ban in NZ, part 6 of 8: “The emergence of backlashes”

The proposed legislation is not an ultimate solution for mental health care, it will become the ultimate problem. There are four backlash issues that inevitably must lead to professional condemnation of this fear-mongering. Can we already predict undesirable dramas stemming from this bill? Yes. And have they been taken into account? No. The Bill aims to induce a chilling effect on dissidence. To this end, the notion of thought crimes is introduced. More than 10.000 individuals in NZ have written a letter of protest. The professional mental health community is under siege. Continue reading The harm caused by a therapy ban in NZ, part 6 of 8: “The emergence of backlashes”

Exploring your full sexual potential, part 36: Enmeshment and the “gay” identity

When a young man leaves an enmeshed relationship with his mother, it won’t be an easy journey. The sense of self was nipped in the bud due to boundaries being blurred. But now that he is venturing into new terrain, empty feelings are bound to arise. It is so pervasive that countless men who sexualize same-sex attractions will ultimately resort back to their old state of enmeshment. Many remain there for the rest of their days. In others, enmeshment will flicker like an orange traffic light. When emptiness becomes the gut feeling, it is then that the ready-made “gay” identity sounds like a gift from heaven. Continue reading Exploring your full sexual potential, part 36: Enmeshment and the “gay” identity

Exploring your full sexual potential, part 35: Enmeshment with the mother

A mother can be a major source of enmeshment. Why don’t naked girls fill my dreams?’ This question lingers ever so often in the mind of men who struggle with same-sex attractions (SSA’s) and for whom those attractions appear to leave so much unfulfilled in their life. It seems as if there is a lack of attraction to the opposite sex. The truth is, however, that men who experience SSA’s have just as many opposite-sex attractions (OSA’s) as anyone else but they do not perceive those feelings as sexual. Enmeshment is standing in the way. Continue reading Exploring your full sexual potential, part 35: Enmeshment with the mother

Exploring your full sexual potential, part 34: Beyond enmeshment lies the void

The term enmeshment describes a relationship where no boundaries can clearly be distinguished. The relationship takes on the form of a unity like two adjacent vine plants who appear to have become a single flourish of green and color. When a whole nuclear family does the same, then boundaries evaporate, or no boundaries may perhaps ever come into being at all. Continue reading Exploring your full sexual potential, part 34: Beyond enmeshment lies the void

Exploring your full sexual potential, part 33: The forces behind same-sex attractions

If sexuality is never fixed like a stone but more like the moving of sand as the tide flows in and out, how can one create new configurations? In this article, we will start tackling the issues that block the road to new insights. Continue reading Exploring your full sexual potential, part 33: The forces behind same-sex attractions

Exploring your full sexual potential, part 32: Am I a wimp?

“Am I good enough as a male?”, that is the question. In his unique book ‘No More Mr. Nice Guy’, therapist Robert Glover explains how an incessant ‘Nice-Guy’ attitude can become a prison, doing more harm than good. During an email exchange, I had recommended the book to Daniel. He found the book to be staggering. After three weeks, Daniel said how hard it was, however, to put his defensive shields down and stop habitually being the nice guy under each and every circumstance. Continue reading Exploring your full sexual potential, part 32: Am I a wimp?

Exploring your full sexual potential, part 31: Attachment theory

Human life can be seen as a pattern of emotional, physical, and spiritual growth. It is like the ocean beating on the shore as we grow older, forming a never-ending pattern of bumps and cracks in the sand. In paradox psychology, we recognize that thoughts and feelings can even be at odds with one another while the tide of life flows in and out, creating the small mounds of sand and then washing them away again. In one-dimensional psychology, however, the coming and going of the tide (or feelings and behavior) are denied, and everything is brought down to a simple and cheap slogan: born that way. That is to say, it has always been that way and will always stay that way. Continue reading Exploring your full sexual potential, part 31: Attachment theory

Striking down Florida Counseling Ban, part 2

November 20, 2020, may go down as the day the tide began to turn against government bans on therapies that allow clients with unwanted same-sex attractions to pursue change. In this article, we take a closer look at this stunningly rational decision. A majority of the three judge panel of the 11th Circuit Court of Appeals ruled that speech in the therapists’ office is to be seen as speech and not as professional conduct. Hence the first US amendment cannot be violated. They also found that the ban ordinances in Florida are content-based and viewpoint-based restrictions on speech. It is therefore the content itself which is being contested. Restrictions of these sorts are illegal. Continue reading Striking down Florida Counseling Ban, part 2