In this article we will analyze how, for many men, same-sex attractions work. Imagine a young man on an old photo to whose image you feel attracted. You see him and immediately he strikes a chord in you. He looks gentle, and yet he is male. He’s great. How does he do it? You can’t keep your eyes off him, and you find yourself dreaming of his looks, his tenderness while a secret longing sets in. Wouldn’t it be great to be intimate with him, and to close your eyes in a hug? Continue reading Exploring Your Full Sexual Potential, part 24: Love me tender, love me sweet
Monthly Archives: July 2018
Exploring your full sexual potential, part 23: When Nasty Becomes Psychopath
In our previous articles (21 and 22), we started exploring the consequences of the narcissistic-triadic family constellation. Frustrations can make you needy (part 21). In part 22, we showed how in more severe cases ‘needy’ can become ‘nasty’. Now we will take it one step further and reveal how ‘nasty’ can even become ‘psychopathic’, the saddest coping strategy of them all. In the first part of this article, we will look at the diagnosis from different angles. In part 2, we will look into the therapy by analyzing an email from James about his past life events. Continue reading Exploring your full sexual potential, part 23: When Nasty Becomes Psychopath
Exploring your full sexual potential, part 22: When needy becomes nasty
It is difficult and shameful to acknowledge that you are needy. You do everything you can to gently help other people out. But you remain unseen. Even worse is handling the frustration that this leads to. There is anger and resistance. You are more angry than people realize, you can become nasty and because of this the shame keeps on growing. Continue reading Exploring your full sexual potential, part 22: When needy becomes nasty
Exploring your full sexual potential, part 21: Being Needy
Neediness, your life consists of neediness. Needy as a kid, needy as an adult. But look at that guy out there, he doesn’t have that. Wow, look at that self-confidence. He is not needy, he is just great. He walks, hangs around, or just gazes. He does so with beautiful eyes, with nice hair, and a great body although he is not even a bodybuilder. How does he do it? I, on the other hand (so you feel,) am needy. Why isn’t he the same? Continue reading Exploring your full sexual potential, part 21: Being Needy
Exploring your full sexual potential, part 20: Fear of Rejection
Being rejected is one of our deepest human fears. Biologically wired with a longing to belong, we fear being seen in a critical way. We’re anxious about the prospect of being cut off, demeaned, or isolated. We fear being alone. Continue reading Exploring your full sexual potential, part 20: Fear of Rejection
Exploring your full sexual potential, part 19: The Snap Game
In part 18, we studied detachment from a theoretical perspective. In this article, we will demonstrate how it works in daily life. Men who predominantly experience Opposite Sex Attractions (OSA’s) attach to other men in a carefree way. But men who experience many Same Sex Attractions (SSA’s) also find themselves incessantly detaching from others. Two opposing forces appear to be at work: Attaching and Detaching. By means of a simple mind game, the Snap Game, you may start recognizing them. We will show three different insights that the game can lead to. Continue reading Exploring your full sexual potential, part 19: The Snap Game
Exploring your full sexual potential, part 18: Overcoming defensive detachment
In her 1983 book ‘The Early Development of Gender Identity’, the British research psychologist Elisabeth Moberley laid the foundation for a deeper understanding of same-sex attractions. Her contribution of the concept of defensive detachment is the groundwork for effective psychotherapeutic help that followed from a causal model. In this article, we will look into the mechanisms of detachment, and identify the challenge to recognize it when you are doing it. Continue reading Exploring your full sexual potential, part 18: Overcoming defensive detachment
Exploring your full sexual potential, part 17: Creating freedom in conversations
In the previous part, we ended by saying: “The more you focus on the feelings of the other person, the less you will be preoccupied with self-doubt and self-consciousness”. But what if the other person is very self-indulgent and you find yourself becoming part of the wallpaper in the process, as you have done so often? How does one handle such a situation? Continue reading Exploring your full sexual potential, part 17: Creating freedom in conversations
Exploring your full sexual potential, part 16: Heighten your self-esteem
Men who experience SSA’s are switching off in their daily lives toward those who live around them. They feel that they are not connected to society, and are the odd man out. The way to get out of this predicament is quite simple: switch on again. Homosexuality is not just a question of gender low self-esteem, it is low self-esteem all around. Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending. Here is how. Continue reading Exploring your full sexual potential, part 16: Heighten your self-esteem
Exploring your full sexual potential, part 15: Learning new narratives
In this article, we will investigate the switch-off moments that can occur on all sorts of occasions. We will show an array of 24 instances that some men sent me, and we shall demonstrate a way to create a new narrative. The goal is to learn to connect to other people instead of retreating into yourself as you have always done. Continue reading Exploring your full sexual potential, part 15: Learning new narratives