The Gay Related Complex, part 8: Dealing with Coping Mechanisms

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Homosexuality is an outdated concept. In this modern-day era, we bring forward that homosexuality does not exist as a separate sexuality in its own right. Sexuality does not come in isolated and separate categories such as plant, animal or mineral. Science demonstrates that human sexuality is fluid and not fixed into seperate immutable types. The sexualization of same-sex attractions is a coping mechanism, which the body is applying to try to deal adequately with the elements that constitute the Gay Related Complex.

1. Dozens of related issues

When studying the sexualization of same-sex attractions, what we actually see each and every time in a client is a broad array of roughly 100 psychological issues and matters, many of which surprisingly contradict one another. We call this the Gay Related Complex. Homosexuality as a supposed mono-dimensional entity is replaced by us with the multi-dimensional notion of an intricate complex, a cluster of sexual and above all non-sexual issues and phenomena. These are intertwined. They lead to homosexual behavior as a coping mechanism, as a sort of final common pathway (FCP).

2. Final common pathway

Final common pathway in Neurology

Observing clusters of things ultimately boiling down in the end to a common pathway is a much used concept in the field of, for example, neurology and has been proven to be superior to mono-dimensional models of explaining multi-faceted phenomena.

In no way are homosexual feelings and behavior to be seen as a simple straightforward human matter which expresses itself in the same way in each and every individual. The manifestations at the conscious and subconscious level are so diverse and so overlapping with heterosexual manifestations that a more appropriate model for explanation is justified. In this series, we will investigate all elements of the Gay Related Complex and their interconnectedness.

3. Evidence-based

We deal with sexuality not from a religious perspective but from evidence-based reality-checking. It means taking a good and detailed look from close-by at a personal and empathic level. We dive into the thick of it.

The underlying issues of homosexuality are often contradictory. These contradictions become psychologically interlocked, creating double binds or catch-22 situations, a situation presenting two equally undesirable alternatives which are at odds with one another. It is then that we see sex hormones and orgasm offering a natural way for the body and mind to bridge these differences, relieving the inherent tension and stress, making them bearable, even pleasant, at least for the moment.

The sexualization of same-sex attractions is a coping mechanism to attain peace of mind and relief of tension and stress, but it is not a sexuality of its own. Every human body is capable of creating and using this coping mechanism when necessary but it appears to only be necessary in a very few number of individuals and only in a certain point in their lives.

Antagonism in mental Double-binds

It was the psychologist Dr. Joseph Nicolosi Sr. who, after analyzing the accounts of hundreds of clients, discovered the mechanism of double-binds as a general principle in understanding the emotions of same-sex attractions.

A double-bind is inherently contradictory; whatever you do, it always appears to be wrong. This explains why same-sex attractions feel for so many to be immutable. It is not until you recognize and understand this mechanism that you can start to resolve the double-binds in other ways.

British anthropologist Gregory Bateson

In Wikipedia, we read:

“Double bind theory was first described by Gregory Bateson and his colleagues in the 1950s.

The essence of a double bind is two conflicting demands, each on a different logical level, neither of which can be ignored or escaped. This leaves the subject torn both ways, so that whichever demand they try to meet, the other demand cannot be met. “I must do it, but I can’t do it” is a typical description of the double-bind experience.

The contradiction may be unexpressed in its immediate context and therefore invisible to external observers, only becoming evident when a prior communication is considered.

The double bind is a repeated experience, a recurrent theme in the experience of the subject, and as such, cannot be resolved as a single traumatic experience.”

Therefore, homosexuality cannot be understood as the result of a single experience, or as a single entity, or as a simple “orientation”. It is an on-going intricate process, repeated on many days in many ways. It is the result of a complete complex.

This approach is different from the activist approach. The latter reaches its successes by claiming that homosexuality and homosexuals are a simple and mono-dimensional “variation” of the human mind and race respectively. But such a view turns out to be divisive and stigmatizing, a product of a gay emancipation movement from the previous century.

We on the other hand, stress that everyone has a full sexual potential, that same-sex attractions are part of that indivisible whole, and that everyone needs to be seen as a part of a commonly shared humanity without ingrained categories and permanent labels.

4. SSA’s usually diminish automatically in life

And the number of people who experience SSA grows smaller as the individuals become older. This concept explains then the phenomenon that at age 13, according to a UK government survey in 2015, 49% of the general population expressed feeling same-sex attractions and that at age 21, this number decreases to 3%.

In other surveys, one sees that at age 60 the number further decreases to 1% of the population expressing same-sex attractions.

The concept of the Gay Related Complex fully explains this (the need for a coping mechanism decreases, as the issues decrease in number and severity and as more adequate other coping mechanisms are attained by trial and error or by therapy), but the concept of a gay gene does not explain this in any way.

Research proves that SSA’s diminish in the population over time, but genes don’t shrivel. Therefore, the gay gene approach is invalid and must be abandoned; it stands in the client’s way of gaining insight and alleviating stress.

A small minority of people in society who have not had adequate psychotherapy continually suffer from this array of double binds and stress, leading to a distinguishable unique minority-stress but the stress stems from within their minds, not from without or from social circumstances (see part 5). In super-tolerant Northern West-European countries, discrimination is negligible but a striking array of personal problems still persist.

5. Gay children?

The Gay Related Complex concept also explains why gay children do not exist. Before puberty, sexual hormones do not offer a bio-psychological mechanism to soothe and handle strenuous double-binds. Those hormones are not there in sufficient amounts, and it is stigmatizing to nevertheless start labeling children as gay or transgender. It is a reckless and ethically unjustifiable professional move to do so.

Adult men who engage in sex with underage males including children, love the move though. Police raids reveal their astonishingly extensive networks, often covered up by gay activist apologists out of fear of public reaction. Gays resort to pedophilia thirty times more often then men with opposite-sex attractions, but the child pornography issue and abuse is incessantly downplayed by all gay activists.

Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif)

Politicians like Democratic Party leader Nancy Pelosi have been fooled to speak of “gay and transgender children” and to pathetically and hysterically express “concern”, to the glee of the gay activists who generously finance the elections and offer the scripts to pronounce at fund-raising dinners. On her website, she writes:

“Therapy is not medicine, it is not right, and it has no place in America. We cannot and will not allow conversion therapy peddlers to continue to profit from the abuse of LGBT children and adults.”

Pederasts love it. She defines kids as being LBGT, and therefore having a gay sexuality, and the pederasts are all too willing to oblige, and feel no remorse when they see to these kids’ “sexual needs”. It is the therapist who is accused of abuse, not the gay activist, although the whole activist organization has been infiltrated. She has nothing to go on. But she pronounces it all, just the same. And then cashes in.

6. The bribing of politicians by radical gay-lib

Activists bribe politicians, recruiting them as megaphones for their radical stances. At least 20% of Obama’s campaign was financed by radical gay-lib supporters (who constitute less than 0.2% of the American population). On the website, we read:

“The Washington Post recently combed through the list of top Obama bundlers — that is, those bringing in more than $500,000 — and identified as many as 1 in 6 as openly gay.”

On we read (2012):

“Later that night, Obama will attend the LGBT Leadership Council’s gala in Beverly Hills, where tickets to see singer Pink perform top out at $25,000. Both events combined could raise as much as George Clooney’s recent dinner for the President: the Hollywood heartthrob delivered somewhere in the region of $15 million with his $40,000-a-head gathering. While bundlers play a crucial role, LGBT activists have also seen an increase in donations at the grassroots level. A Democratic source reportedly told Buzzfeed that Obama’s campaign received $1 million in contributions in the 90 minutes after his endorsement of gay marriage”.

7. ‘LGBT psychology’

Tackling presumed social injustices, as ‘LGBT-psychology‘ does, turns out not to constitute the end of all client problems. ‘LGBT-psychology’ therefore has very limited value. Due to this fact, ‘LGBT-psychologists’ do much harm to client care when they strive to monopolize the professional field. Their concepts are debatable, their outcomes have yet to be substantiated. Striving for a monopoly in client care in Western countries by means of passing laws that ban non-gay affirming therapy and labeling this activity as “liberation” is premature, propagandistic and deceitful. It has a strong heterophobic connotation, being part of the outdated us-them thinking of the 20th century.

There is no one to be liberated from, there are only people to be loved and a common humanity to be shared.

Sadly, LGBT-psychology is inherently flawed and is a manifestation of a tragically divisive and debatable world-view, historically rooted in a small epoch of time in the (heavily polarized) US society, leading to vicious controversies, hostile activism and ultimately a never-ending battle against windmills. It creates as much antagonism as it sets out to resolve.

The key words heard over and over again are “solidarity, forefront, victories”. We see trench wars with slander being fabricated and then hurled like hand grenades. Lay activists even speak of “the other side”, concepts stemming from World War 1. Its universal validity must not be overestimated, but relativized in its historical perspective.

8. Creating trench wars

Radical activists demonstrate what is called the “emancipation paradox“: the more that emancipation succeeds, the more that radicals cry “Wolf”. The National Center of Lesbian Rights (NCLR) in San Francisco has 50 lawyers working full-time on gay causes, the Southern Poverty Law Center in Alabama a staggering 200, the core business being gay causes. Fancy running out of issues! What is the CEO going to do? Simple: grab the microphone and inform youngsters what to think, top-down.

NCLR director Kate Kendall

In her tiresome email of the 30th December 2017, the NCLR’s long-time CEO, lawyer Kate Kendall (see our article), rallies comrade radical lesbians yet once again to historic battles:

“Our community is under attack, the onslaught has been unceasing and staggering, but we are fighting in the trenches for our LGBTQ families, immigrants, youth, and elders. We stand shoulder to shoulder with those who are most marginalized and vulnerable to attack. Stand with us!

We are reminded every day of the tremendous threat both to our community and to the entire nation. Decades of experience have prepared NCLR for each challenge LGBTQ people are facing right now and scores of hard-fought victories over the years prove that we are tenacious and know how to win. We will have more victories yet!

Does she mean victories for more ‘Lebensraum’ (= living space) for an imaginary community, a phrase Adolph Hitler used in 1940 in order to invade Austria and drown out all opposition? Everyone cheered way back then. Does Kate expect the same now as she incites ignorant teenage followers?

She may be predictable and tiresome but her multi-million dollar campaigns should not be underestimated. She has cash, she is paranoid, she is dangerous, and she is in for the kill. No one is standing up to her.

Even the (gay) nerds at (California based) Google support her by means of donations according to the (equally California based) NCLR Annual Report 2012, see page 15: $25.000 donated by Google, (download here  NCLR_2012_annual_report).

NCLR-activist Samuel Brinton at a Google conference 2014 to promote his anti-therapy campaign

To what extent, we wonder, do they offer a helping hand non-financially by fiddling with the algorithms. We see radical gay-lib rhetoric always and exclusively showing up whenever you query Google, even if you enter questions about ‘the other side’ as the query. The NCLR is merely disseminating information and so is Google as the core business. And they are allies when we see the annual NCLR report.

It is the Google-nerds who get to decide what you see first and what not with their unfathomable trade secrets at their disposal: the algorithms. Google remains the handicraft work of software employees in San Francisco, the self-appointed gay capital of the USA.

During the Olympic Games, 2015, they even made a rainbow colored doodle, showing up in every country, including Russia. Seeing their intricate financial ties with radical gay-lib, how much of the information that unawary people receive on the Internet is being manipulated?

Contrary to radical gay rhetoric, the Dooma and President Putin did not outlaw homosexuality in 2013; you can legally be gay in Russia and in the army too, no problem. It is not forbidden. The law merely targets extremist propaganda being spread by radical activists to specifically school children, not to adults. It is enforced solely with fines, not with detention or being driven out of occupations.

“The Russian federal law reads: “for the Purpose of Protecting Children from Information Advocating for a Denial of Traditional Family Values” …

Google labels this as “Anti-Gay”. So if you are anti-propaganda to school children, no matter what that propaganda constitutes, then you are anti-adult-gay too? Yes, says Google. And they manipulate search results and the entire Internet to influence other opinions by making information less or unavailable.

Wikipedia is clearly compromized (read Dr. Joseph Nicolosi’s article on his website “My battle with Wikipedia“), now it is Google too.

Nicolosi said:

“Most readers think that Wikipedia is a neutral, authoritative source.  In fact, it is compiled by volunteers— not paid experts— some of whom (especially in areas of social controversy) are activists seeking to influence public opinion.”

9. The aim of therapy

Therapy aims at finding other ways out of the double-bind swamp, not because the coping mechanism is morally undesirable, but because relieving the multitude of psychological issues is a value in itself. The aim is not to adjust the individual to perceived social norms but to alleviate the tensions and contradictions so that no more mental effort is wasted on energy-consuming contradictions.

Many of these issues form potential building blocks of depression, making individuals prone to depressions and to anxiety states (the neurotransmitter brother of depression). The issues can become habits, leading to phenomena which superficially appear to be personality disorders (“this is who I am”, is a much heard phrase) but which are in fact suboptimal coping strategies, endlessly repeated in a computer script loop. It becomes a bug in the brain program.

These endless and compulsive repititions can be alleviated through insight and therapeutic work. But the underlying mechanisms need to be explained in a slow and understandable fashion and kept in tune with the paranoia and mistrust which is seen so often in clients applying for therapy.

It is essential in therapy not to tackle the coping mechanism, the SSA’s, directly because  they have a function, namely alleviating the mixture of feelings and distress. For the client, they are a lifesaver for mental equilibrium and it is quite distressing if the client feels he is being robbed of something. This is the mistake made by some religious persons or groups who problematize the SSA’s themselves, labeling this as ‘therapy’. It has given therapy a bad name. This even adds the strain of guilt feelings.

Leave the SSA’s alone, focus on the elements of the Gay Related Complex and the body will find new copings mechanisms as the inner double-binds lose their power. The basic problem is the seemingly unsolvable double-binds, not the coping mechanism. Once these catch-22 situations are identified and worked through, that is to say cleaned up, sexuality will take care of itself. One needs to trust that promise. In that regard, the client is no different from anybody else.

10. Coming out ‘gay’

Young man at a Gay Parade

When a man dons the gay label, he feels temporarily relieved, finding an identity which explains all his turmoil and distress. “This is who I am, I have come home”. Problems can be related to a fabricated phenomenon called ‘gayness’ and negative feelings can be attributed to the outside world. “They don’t understand me”. But it is the other way around: you don’t understand yourself.

As soon as the individual decides to join the ranks of activists, he enters into a new mental state, the gray zone. He becomes a Jihadi, fighting the foe in the outside world. In psychiatric terminology, we can say that he goes into a paranoid narrowing of consciousness.

He moves away from normality, he identifies even less with his peers than he already did and he is led to celebrate and glorify the coping strategies that he has found and that he sees others using, even if they are strange, weird and outrageously disturbed.

Otherness becomes exotic and uniquely weird behavior becomes a scream and a joy. Defying the outside world becomes a pleasure, he literally becomes happy and gay.

The victim stance is encouraged and the individual is set up by battle-hardened fanatics against society, becoming ever more avoidant and anti-social in the process. Activist magazines feed the paranoia in a weekly rhythm and encourage youngsters to take everything occurring in the world personally.

At a collective level, this is intellectualized and rationalized into new philosophies with pseudo-realities. Fake justifications are fabricated and the world order is turned upside down (“LGBT-science” and “Queer Theory”).

A new “community” is conjured up with the help of us-them thinking but the black-and-white antagonism which is offered as a world-view, does little to alleviate the sense of estrangement as you drift further away.

11. Conclusion

Modern psychotherapy explores the full sexual potential of people who demonstrate same-sex attractions, by taking the whole picture of personal functioning into view. There is so much to see. We call it the Gay Related Complex. It focuses on the multitude of psychological phenomena and on the way they came into being.

This approach is not obsessed with genitals, sexual acts, or labels, but investigates the kaleidoscope of events and feelings, especially the non-sexual ones, which demand a coping strategy, quite often the sexualization of the same-sex. Through insight, issues start to fade away and the range of more adequate and effective coping strategies is expanded.

In doing so, gay liberation gets a new meaning: to be liberated from compulsive underlying personal issues, after which, sexuality will take care of itself.

To be continued

Job Berendsen, MD

Gary Morgan.